I left work yesterday at 4 and then got a haircut and by 4:45 I was sitting in my bedroom wondering what to do for the next six hours before bed. I looked over at my bureau and saw a nice book sitting there, but instead grabbed my guitar for some much needed practice. I played through a half of a song and broke a string and since I don't have any extra strings I had no idea what to do. Once back in my room I noticed the book again and decided to do laundry. Finally I did jump on my bed and start reading. It was so nice just reading in the peace and quiet of my apartment.
I think of all the people I know who read all the time and realized they are the smartest people I know, could there be a correlation. Maybe me getting cable isn't the best idea and instead I should focus on reading, so perhaps the next time people are having interesting and intelligent discussion I can actually partake instead of sitting there like an idiot trying to squeeze a one-liner in here and there. I wish I could just tell people really I am smart, just because I am unable to have a good intelligent discussion about internal medicine or the history of ancient Macedonia doesn't mean I am dumb. I have been frustrated lately trying to convince myself that I am actually knowledgeable of things. I know it is silly because you can't just write down a list of things you know it is also a matter of analytical skills, which I feel is one of my stronger suits. Okay this is just babbling now you all get the point though. In the end I wish I just had better social skills, because sometimes I feel so uncomfortable in situations where thoughtful discussion is going on.
It's annoying and I can't but help feel it is in some part due to how I grew up. We mostly just stuck to the family and I don't really recall ever going out in situations where we had to deal with lots of people. Not that I am complaining because I am close to my family and wouldn't want it any other way. It probably didn't help that I never went to parties in high school and in so doing fell out of the in crowd. Come to think of it most of my trouble these days probably comes from the erratic social life I had in college. Freshman and sophomore years I had a strong group of friends and we were all very close, but as I began to work more weekends I began to distance myself from them. Junior year inolved less friends because of my first college girlfriend and so I fell out of any good social circles I had been involved in. Now moving on to my senior year, what is supposed to be my most socially connected year due to a huge network of friends and comfort with the campus, started out as the most isolated year of all. I ended up being more like a freshman and missing out on what is a prime year for social development. Of course at work I had a great group of people I was very close with, actually they were more like a family to me. Finally at the end of my senior year I actually started to make friends again, but I think it was too late at this point and my social skills were never properly honed. Thankfully two years ago I met the people from BoCaNO and have made leaps and bounds trying to catch up to where I should be at the ripe old age of twenty seven. Rome wasn't built in a day though.
Yeah I don't know why I decided to write this emo entry. In other news Keegan's BBQ is turning out to be more like Keegan's BoCaNO get together due to several cancellations. On the bright side I won't have to buy more than a dozen burgers, five hot dogs and a couple veggie burgers. The low turn out will also let us do some water skiing on the lake, which will be fun.
Have an excellent day,
Keegan
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